For a long time, I wanted to write something about marriage. I am in by no means a marriage expert; however, I have been married for Eight years (together for close to 11 years). I have gained a lot of insight from things that have happened throughout my relationship, we definitely hit the pavement quickly!
I met my husband in 2009, by 2010 we became pregnant with our first born. We eventually got married and had another baby, by the time we are in our middle thirties our children will be teenagers or getting ready to fly the coop to start their own lives.
Having children early really put us on a fast track, and I believe the first many years- we were playing house. The love was there, but it is so hard to build that deep relationship- especially while you are growing.
We did go to counseling and learned plenty of tips! We are so thankful we took those steps because truthfully, I believe anyone can benefit from counseling. Here are some tips we’ve learned along the way.
- GO TO BED ANGRY
That’s right, you heard me correctly. Go to bed angry! Not everything demands an instant resolution so you can sleep, sometimes things are better well thought out, or when you take some time and space. Sometimes sleeping on things actually helps you realize things you maybe did not see before.
- IT IS OK TO HIT A RESET BUTTON
I am the QUEEN of starting petty arguments with my husband. Sometimes, it is nothing, and I make it more for no reason, but once I am fighting about it- I am all in. It is okay to admit that you started an argument that was unnecessary, we ALL do it. It is okay to ask your spouse to hit that reset button, hug and start over.
- IT IS OK TO BE WRONG
Admitting you are wrong is not always a terrible thing. Sometimes we think on emotion, and it is tough to see the other person’s side. It is okay to recognize you were wrong, and it is okay to voice that.
- LET YOUR SPOUSE BE HEARD
This one is tough for me, as I am naturally a talkative person. However, I learned that listening is an art as well. You need to really listen to their thoughts and feelings, especially if your partner is a quieter person. I have recognized I actually do enjoy listening.
- DATE EACHOTHER
You cannot stop dating each other simply because you “have” each other. Truthfully, nobody has another human. Each person is their own individual, you should never stop trying for the person you are with. You should always be dating each other, even if you are married forever.
Marriage is not easy, anyone who thinks that it is always sunshine and rainbows is mistaken. A marriage are 2 imperfect people who are choosing to be with each other, choosing to forgive each other (you will do this a lot) and are choosing to stick by each other.
Falling in love is easy, staying in love is where you’ve got the hard work. Is it worth it? 100 times yes. Is it tough? Sometimes, yes it can be.
With that being said, if you are in a marriage that is uncompromising and does not make you feel good. Please keep yourself safe, because you matter.
If you need counseling, please do not feel weak. Everyone needs someone sometimes!
You are loved and you are worthy!